The Heroes and Villains of Influence

How do human beings make decisions? By choosing the quickest path to pleasure or away from pain. In the art of influence, this is valuable intel. You can better lead people when you understand their underlying motives. People are motivated by many different kinds of pain and pleasure. That's why influential people keep track of their target’s observable triggers - what they want to move away from and move towards. So, today, I’d like to delve into one of the lesser-discussed pain/pleasure triggers. Using this technique can swiftly shift your target’s perspective. I’ve coined this approach as... Heroes and Villains In everyone’s life, there are people we look up to and people we never want to be like. The people you want to model are your heroes. The people you never want to become are your villains. Heroes and villains are guiding posts in our lives. The closer you can be like your hero, the prouder you feel about yourself. The more you are unlike your villain, the stronger and more resilient you feel. When you want to influence someone, identify their heroes and villains to make your message more compelling. Who are they? Heroes and villains can come from anywhere. A common example is a family member. Keep in mind there are a variety of relationships people have with their families. For one person, their dad might be the touchstone for what is right, how to be an honorable person, and how to care for the people in your [...]

5 Conversation Tips for More Influence

Conversations. They can lead to powerful moments of realization and revelation. Conversations are how we, as a species, connect, learn, and grow with each other. And…conversations can be a huge source of stress, anxiety, and missed opportunities. One of the worst moments in any conversation is that terrible awkward silence. Not knowing what to say next can make you panic and worry whether or not you're making a good impression.  So, today, l'm sharing a few tips that will help you keep that conversational flow going, always.  Tip #1: Visualize Then Clarify Your first tip is to visualize during the conversation. Here’s what I mean. As the other person is speaking and telling you a story, visualize what they’re talking about as if it’s a movie playing in your mind. They could be telling you about a crazy, kooky thing that happened during their last vacation. Or, they could be telling you something as simple as what happened on their commute to work this morning. Then, look for knowledge gaps in the story. What’s missing in this movie? Do you know where they were? Who they were with? What time of day it was? Knowledge gaps are your opportunity to ask clarifying questions, which prompts the other person to elaborate, thus continuing the conversation. Tada! Here’s a quick example: New Person: “We had a blast the last time we were here.” You: “Oh, did you come to last year’s event?” (Notice the “When” knowledge gap) New Person: “Sure did. That [...]